Self-portrait

When I look at myself as an outside observer, I see the sparkle and anticipation in my eyes. You could even call it confidence in the future. I am balanced and full of energy. To create. Right now, paintings. Things to build with. A successful new business in a new country, meeting new people. With these energies, I can interiorize elements of a new culture and social environment alongside my existing content. It feels good to look at myself through my self-portrait and see the combined power of my life energy and my sensibility. Just as feels good to receive confirmation that, despite all the obstacles, I have been on the right track so far and I can trust my instincts and myself.

What does it take for a person to be at peace with themselves? What does it take for a woman to live in peace? First of all, silence. That is, a living space, a social environment that is not littered with harmful, unrealistic male expectations and definitions. “A woman is a real woman if she is obedient.” “A woman is a good woman if she is young, slim, and has a toned body.” “A woman’s main purpose is motherhood and sexually serving her partner.” “A woman’s place is in the kitchen, next to the wooden spoon.” Do they sound familiar? Before I met my husband, I cannot even count how many sick ideas mentally ill men in Hungary harassed me with. At the age of 17, I became a victim of sexual abuse for the first time by a music school teacher. He told me that I shouldn't go to music college because a woman should get married and have children first. Later, in my thirties, there were those who expected me, at 158cm, not to weigh more than 48kg. Others said they hated it when you could see the roots of dyed hair on women. He declared this with gray temples. Typical double standards. The latter may seem like trivial nonsense, but we should not dismiss them lightly! These harmful views, which function as a tool for the oppression of women and the objectification of their bodies, send many young girls to hospital with anorexia. Hundreds of thousands of underage girls suffer from low self-esteem, body image issues, and shame about their natural, healthy appearance. I wonder what guys like that think when their own daughters are treated the same way by men who are 15-25 years older and similar to them? If a little girl experiences a toxic patriarchal male role model while growing up, it's no surprise that she'll start her young adulthood with such relationships.

Upon arriving in Finland, I immediately noticed that advertisements and billboards in shopping malls featured people of all ages, skin colors, body types, sexual orientations, and religious beliefs. This is completely natural, as it is only natural that people are diverse, just like the world itself. At least in a society that thinks and functions healthily. Hungary, of course, is light years away from this. I often feel ashamed and sad because I am Hungarian. At times like this, I hope that people in other parts of the world know that those who have fled that country do not share the views of those in power there in the slightest. Returning to the present, it is an incredibly liberating feeling that here, in the "home of the sauna," the body is simply just a body. People don't stare and size each other up on the street, nor do they shout obscenities from taxis or while traveling on public transportation. A woman's body belongs to her. It is not a fetish object for others.